Relationships Problems are a common feature of any relationship. Because life is about having connections with other people, relationships can play an enormous role in our sense of ourselves, our life and our happiness. Bad relationships can drive us to drink, drugs, affairs and other desperate measure. Healthy relationships can help use to feel secure, wanted, loved, respected and boost our self worth and esteem. Relationships are important to all of us.
Who is the most important relationship in your life?
Just ponder on that question above for a few moments. Is the most important relationship with your partner? brother? sister, Mum ? Dad? Best Mate? or someone else. Who would you consider the most important relationship to be? I will give my view of who your most important relationship is and should be a bit later in this article.
Come to Planet Earth and Have Relationships!
You can’t escape relationships no matter who you are, where you live or how few or many people you interact with. You have a relationship with your relatives, friends, occupational colleagues too. You also have relationships with the local shopkeeper, or supermarket checkout operator. You have relationships with your energy, telephone and water suppliers. These might be fleeting relationships at times, where you never get to meet or even speak to a person but they are all relationships and have the potential to affect our emotions, our sense of life, and our mood.
Relationships Problems – There’s No Escape!
Even if your relationship is good now, it will always have the potential to go wrong and lead to sadness, unhappiness, misunderstanding, hurt, anger and ultimately some distancing. Whether you are man and wife, in a same sex relationship (gay, lesbian), civil partnership, living together or other intimate loving relationship, the risk is always there that the person you thought you chose as your life long partner changes and those changes are difficult for you.
Maybe you already knew that your partner had issues such as anger problems, stubbornness, a dictatorial or controlling attitude, had envious or jealousy issues, didn’t take responsibility or played a blaming game. Foolishly though, you thought your love and understanding and tolerance and forgiveness would conquer all and you would be able to change him or her for the better. Some people stay in unhealthy relationships for years feeling unhappy, trapped and dreaming of things being better. Sometimes they do get better for a little while but can soon return to an unhealthy, unbalanced and even abusive relationship.
So What Would be a Healthy Relationship?
Healthy and Thriving Relationships
What do you think constitutes a healthy and thriving relationship? When you look at other people’s relationships which each other, neighbours, friends, family, etc, which of these in your view have a relationship that in your opinion is a healthy one?
Here are some aspects of a healthy and thriving personal relationship:-
- Acceptance – accepting your partner for who and what they are. You might want to influence them at times to your point of view but you are not seeking to change them into your idea of who or how they should be.
- Love – you love them for who they are – warts and all. None of us are perfect but you love them even when they seem to get it wrong as well as celebrating their successes
- Respect – you respect them as a person and individual. You give them your time and listen to their opinions even if you don’t agree with them. You try and see things from their point of view. You don’t bully or tease them or coerce them into doing what you want them to do.
- Talking and Listening – you take time out to talk about what might be upsetting you and you give them the opportunity to do the same. You listen when they talk. This helps avoid misunderstanding and can promote deeper relationships as you get to know what makes each other tick
- Honesty – liars do get found our eventually. If you are unhappy in the relationship talk it through with each other. Honesty enhances trust in a relationship.
- Responsibility – when you get something wrong, take responsibility for it. Blaming your partner or circumstances makes you feel powerless and is unhealthy.
What other aspects might you add to the above list that would help you feel
safe, secure loved and be able to thrive in your relationship?
The Most Important Relationship?
Did you guess what the most important relationship you have? The most important relationship and the one that can be at the root of relationships problems, is the one you have with yourself. If you hate, despise, dislike or other are unhappy with you, how can you have a healthy relationship with anyone else? Your negative feelings and views of yourself are always going to have a damaging influence on your relationship with anyone.
So the most important relationship to resolve is the one you have with you. The good news is that it is very possible to change your self relationship to a much better and healthier relationship. Parental and other experiences from your childhood would have led to you having a feeling of rejection, anger, misunderstanding and frustration. This rejection may have led to you learning not to be happy with who you are. That’s why you might have sought parents approval by choosing a career they would have approved of or marrying a person you know they would be happy with.
True happiness and having a healthy self-relationship comes through self acceptance and letting yourself be your true and authentic self. Trying to be a person that others want you to be is exhausting and stressful. It takes a lot of energy to keep the mask of approval in place. Being yourself can be a natural and easier way to respond, to be and to live your life.
Where to Begin with Relationships Problems?
Come along for an initial free consultation to find our more how I, Steven Harold, can help you begin the process of self-acceptance and enjoy the kind of relationships you desire and deserve. Even if you are not close to Derby, Nottingham or Chesterfield, I often provide help for relationships problems via Skype.
Just drop me an email at [email protected] or have a chat with me on 01773 436796 to find out more.
8 Problems in Relationships – Huffington Post